i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
