Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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