Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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