can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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