He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
