I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
