Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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