take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
