the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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