Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
its liver damage thursday
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
