If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
