I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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