she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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