currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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