Will you blow on my dice?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
worst night to have a conscience
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
