i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
