I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
