There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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