I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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