HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
