some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
