I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
