Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
