This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
