This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
