My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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