also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
