He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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