you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
