Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
