I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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