I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we're making bets on your personal life
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
