Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
