tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
