I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
