Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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