I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
