BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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