I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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