I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
