at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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