I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
