are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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