Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
