Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
