You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
