her vagine was all disorganized.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
