Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
