Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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