I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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