just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
