We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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