I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
