you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
