My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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