i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
