Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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