he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
