What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
