She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
