it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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