so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
