You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
