when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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