Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
